it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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