She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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