i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's just like the Real World with babies
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
