you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
