Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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