Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am naked and annoyed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
