I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
