Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
