Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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