I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
