How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
