apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You can't special order awesome
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
