I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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