i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
