evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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