youre lurking in front of me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just cropdusted the office
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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