Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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