I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
