If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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