Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
