I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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