i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
