So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They took my balls.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize