Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
