dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
