My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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