I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
