i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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