R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
