the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
