I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
