My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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