its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
