words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
