seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
