His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
