If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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