That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
