She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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