This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
