U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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