If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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