He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
