I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
