Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize