my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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