I faked an abortion last night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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