I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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