I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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