I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
