worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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