Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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