The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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