I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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