I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
