I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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