"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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