You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
