i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
