I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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