My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just want to make out with him forever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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