Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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