I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
