the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
