You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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