I smell stomach acid.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
