I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
