he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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