Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if only i could text you this smell
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
