I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
