I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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