the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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