Have you finally orgasmed yet?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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