just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
