Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
