I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
