Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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