We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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