I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
