It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
