"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
