i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
