I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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