Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize