nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
