i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
