I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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