she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize