I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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