I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had sex on a roof
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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