Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
