Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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