Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
