Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize