Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They are going to name an STD after you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
