Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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