Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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