i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
