it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
