It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
