Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
