Plan B is the new Plan A
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
