Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize