yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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