There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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