and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
