look no pants
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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