If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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