puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize