Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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